


Hobbit Host Homes - for an experience you won't forget!

by NeekaMagdalene



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, And you get a host home, Chaos, Chaos Everywhere, Erebor, F/M, Hobbit Host Homes, Host homes for everyone, Middle Earth, Modern Character in Middle Earth, Post-Hobbit, Reader-Insert, Sisters, You get a host home
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 17:43:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14266284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeekaMagdalene/pseuds/NeekaMagdalene
Summary: "Ding. Ding. Ding. Attention, please. This is your captain speaking. In the name of the Hobbit Host Homes Services I welcome you on board. Please, fasten your seatbelts and hold tightly- the ride might be a little rough. Next stop: MIDDLE EARTH!"





	Hobbit Host Homes - for an experience you won't forget!

**Author's Note:**

> Credit to the awesome and amazing quiz on quotev that actually started this madness - https://www.quotev.com/quiz/6438890/The-Hobbit-Host-Home-Services. Go check it out- you're gonna LOVE it. As always- enjoy, give kudos, leave comments. Let the ride begin!

Y/N - Your Name

S/N - Sister's Name 

* * *

 

„Ding. Ding. Ding. Attention, please. This is your captain speaking. In the name of the Hobbit Host Homes Services I welcome you on board. Please, fasten your seatbelts and hold tightly. Make sure your cabin luggage is securely placed under the seat in front of you. The safety instructions are located on the back of the each seat, please read them carefully. We will start the connection in a few minutes. Please, bear in mind that all of our travels are non-smoking. We would also like to remind you that you will be subjected to an inspection of your person and your luggage upon your arrival. All attempts of smuggling any forbidden appliances or substances into the Middle-Earth will result in an immediate cancellation of your experience, with no exceptions whatsoever. The list of the forbidden appliances and substances has been sent to you along with the letter of your acceptance into the program. We all wish you a comfortable journey and pleasurable stay. Thank you for choosing our company.“

Horrified voices rang in the cabin.

Y/N slowly looked around, refusing to believe the situation in front of her was indeed real. The last clear thing she remembered was her 'Hobbit extended versions marathon'. All three Hobbit movies- in their extended formats, as the name suggests- along with honey bread and homemade lembas. The drink was chamomile tea.  It was her first time doing it and dang it, she was determined to finish it like a champ. Pumped up on caffeine, tein and whatever else was in chamomile tea, she started the adventure full of energy. What she did not expect was the effect of said tea. Besides its calming and relaxing tendencies, there was another thing it was very good at- inducing sleep. Y/N believed that she passed out somewhere during the second movie. She remembered the infamous 'Thranduil diva shot' and Thorin's 'Iskch ka kvech a Dur'ugnul' aka 'Go fuck yourself Thranduil, you stupid cunt!' response.

„ _I knew I shouldn’t have done the marathon... Now I have freaky nightmares. Gosh. Or maybe it was the tea. How much did I have last night- five cups? Or was it six?”_

Hobbit Homes? Middle-Earth? She will wake up in her own bed and this nonsense will be gone. Don't get her wrong, it would be the awesome kind of nonsense, if it wasn't the product of her subconscious mind.

 „ _Host home in Middle-Earth. Pche. As if. Wake up, girl, before unicorns start to ride on pink rainbows."_

„...er?  Is that you?“ A familiar voice ripped the girl’s thoughts. She turned, suddenly facing her sister seated beside her. “It is you! Thank God!”

“S/N? What are you doing here? Why are you shaking? Are you alright?”

“I-I…”

The cabin started to vibrate.

„What is this? What’s going on?! I don't like it!“  S/N was positively frightened. It looked like she was going to cry. And Y/N hated crying. And tears. And crying sisters producing tears. And snot.

Especially crying sisters producing tears and snot.

Trying her best to salvage the situation, she wrapped her hands around the younger girl.

 „Calm down, girl . Calm down. Everything will be fine. I am here. No matter what happens, you can't die in a dream."

S/N sniffled and cuddled with her sister. “I don't think this is a dream, Y/N. Whatever this-” she looked around, "- whatever this is."

Suddenly, the pressure started to get heavier and heavier. Panic was everywhere. Some people were screaming,  some people cried, some shouted, some threw up. Some even peed in their pants. Terry could swear she saw more than one fainted figure too. She wasn't completely sure, since she herself felt like her entrails wanted to make a hole in her abdomen and run away from her body. What kind of fucked up dream was she having? If she knew watching Hobbit could get her mind to fabricate so many pieces of horse dung she would have never even started the VLC player. 

She wanted to scream as well, but her voice was gone. With the look of complete horror she clutched S/N and held onto her for dear life. Her sister answered with clinging onto her with same force. _"Oh god. Ohgodohgodohgod. I think I will vomit. I feel faint. Stupid dream! I want to wake up! Right now! I don't want to die yet! God, devil, anyone, please!!!"_

That day, however, God apparently took a vacation and devil was also nowhere to be found. The aforementioned cabin happily buzzed away, full of people close to a psychotic break.

* * *

In another universe, people of all colours and races gathered at a meadow, looking towards the sky. Especially young dwarfish eyes turned upwards very often. Patience wasn't one of their strong sides, that much was obvious.

"Where are they? They should have been here already!"

Some of the elves eyed them with amusement, while the elders tried to get their youngsters under control.

"Calm down, boy. Look, there they come."

Everyone's eyes turned towards the cabin which slowly landed on the meadow. All inhabitants of Middle Earth smiled, eager to receive their guests... Only to watch a flock of crying people come out, many with the help of a swift shove from inside.

Y/N stumbled out as well, still holding her sister tightly. Unsure what to do, she looked around, trying to guess their location. She half expected to see the inside of her own room, looking for the familiar shapes of her bed and dresser. Bad idea. Her surroundings told her absolutely nothing relevant, except for one little fact which destroyed any hope she might have had.

She had no idea where the hell they were, but this was not her home. This was not her room. And if her instincts didn't lie...

 

This was NOT their world.

"Well, fuck."

Of course, immediately after she did the most rational thing - she pinched her hand.

Because that's the way you deal with nightmares and weird dreams, right? You hurt yourself. You use the pain which carries to your body in the real world to tear apart the fantasies. Night terrors be gone. But what if you feel pain, and the dream doesn't vanish? Well, in that case...

You are in one royally deep horse dung.

Because whatever the scene happening in front of you, no matter what kind of horror you might be seeing? That is no fantasy. And there is no reality to bring yourself back to, because whatever you see, well, IS the reality.

"We are absolutely fucked." 


End file.
